trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i came on her dog
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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