my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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