this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
