Heybabeimwearingurpanties
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just gift wrapped bread.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
