Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
