Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
