you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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