I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
