I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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