woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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