I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I believe in your delicious
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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