Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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