Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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