You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
