I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
