What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
nutella sex= disaster
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
