im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's blow job season.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
