ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
