Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
