you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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