new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
