I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
