Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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