We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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