He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
