Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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