I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
