I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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