there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
