but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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