now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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