im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Drake has all the answers
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
