I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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