I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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