mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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