Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
