How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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