There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
