I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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