I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
