Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
