can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Of course I have a pirate flag
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
