First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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