I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
