You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
