so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
