Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
