Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
