I feel great
I just peed on a car
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
