Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
