This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
