So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
