this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
