Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
