White coat. Heels.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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