I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
