Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
