it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
