You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
