i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
