Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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