I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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