dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
