My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
