I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
